The Day I Gave Up, And Autumn Was Coming
I didn’t realize the burden was so heavy. I carried it for two years, not realizing how much it weighed me down or that others could see it too!!!
At the turn of the year 2015, a whisper sat me straight up, out of the middle of my dreams. I looked to my left and to my right to see where it came from. My husband, the only other one in the house, was sound asleep. I shook my head no, several times, at what I heard. I can’t. What? No. I can’t, I thought, before dozing off again in the wee hours of the morning, but not before the whispered words which awoke me, “You have to leave your job,” took hold of my heart.
I awoke later that morning wondering if I’d dreamed the whispered awakening or if I’d heard what I’d heard. Over the next few weeks and months, the words in my heart took root and began springing forth desires. Aspirations such as having a bible study for mothers in need of healed hearts, developing a seminar on learning to Love again, writing more books and blog posts, helping others tell their stories, and using theatrical storytelling as a creative way to connect with community, began flowering. Growing desires bloomed heavily in my heart. Their weight could be seen in my eyes, shoulders, walk, the way I talked, worked, did anything…
And so it began, a year of pondering one of the most difficult decisions of my life: to hold onto the comfort of the known, or to heed the whispered awakening words and step forward into the unknown; to endure quizzical looks of, “are you crazy?” or walk toward blossoming leaves. Impassioned encouragers strode on both sides. The “stay the course” supporters were full or reasons and rationale why leaving a job made no good sense, and could lead to all sorts of unpleasant outcomes. The “heed the whisper” enthusiasts, spoke, as led, most times leaving me speechless and in tears. “It’s time for you to jump. God has prepared you. He won’t let you fall.” “This isn’t just about you. Others are waiting on you.” “You have to mix faith with the word you heard. Without faith it’s impossible to please God.”
God’s continual speaking through others and the overwhelming weight of blossoms, loosened my grip on reason, freeing me to, on August 21st 2017, leap into the unknown with only faith and trust in The One, True, Living God, to hold onto. That afternoon, I, walked to those that needed to know, uttered my intent to give it all up, then, I let go, of comfort, natural reasoning, the known, my job. And, just as that beautiful sister (you know who you are) God sent my way to pre-inform me that He would not let me fall, He immediately, unexpectedly and in the most unbelievable way, put His hands out, to catch, then place me, squarely in the land of the blossoms….
What are you being called to give up? Release your grip from? Whatever it is, if you have heard within yourself, from others, in your circumstances, from the people of God, then allow God to do the work within so you can give up dependence on everything except Him…
“Those who know your name trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.” Psalm 9:10
(P.S. I tell you where my feet touched the ground, in the next blog post.)
